i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
3pm strippers are depressing
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
