how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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