is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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