I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
