This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
