I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
