o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
