At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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