I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
