i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
