my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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