Kiss
Puke
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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