if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
