I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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