I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
