we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
