Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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