whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm at about main and main street
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
