Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
