So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
