My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
