I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the day after is always just damage control
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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