We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
