My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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