i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
