Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
