I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
