I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
