He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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