I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
