Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
