I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
