I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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