She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
