Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
