And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
