i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
