Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So much Jack, so little girl.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
