I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
