LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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