Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
