My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Someone came in the potted fern
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
