'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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