found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
