My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
