I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
