3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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