Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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