We're facebook friends in real life
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
