'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Vodka?
Forever.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
