So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
