I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
