I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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