so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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