Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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