so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
