I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
