I should be sponsored by Trojan
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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