well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
