I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
