one might say we're banned from that church
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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