none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
